Hannah’s memory loss and recovery
After finishing Deadly College Murders, I knew I wanted to go big with Hannah. As I mentioned in my previous posts, many changes didn’t make it into the books, but one theme I was determined to explore further was memory loss. As the protagonist of the books along with Rafael, the protagonist is always going to be the one who suffers.
What makes Deadly Vows so unique is how successful Hannah becomes. Initially she planned to live in New York, but I chose Paris as Hannah’s final destination instead. During the three years she spent in Europe with Rafael, Hannah rose to notable success in the fashion industry. Yet despite her achievements, the dreams continued to haunt her.
Nightmares of the reveal from Deadly College Murders continued, haunting her with vivid images of the faces of those who had ruined her life. When she returned to the States with Rafael, she found she couldn’t let Connie’s murder go unanswered. She felt compelled to ensure the truth was uncovered so Connie could finally receive the justice she deserved. After a frightening car accident, Rafael urged Hannah to be more careful and cautious, but she still chose to refuse his orders. Hannah’s determination was so fixated, that she chooses to travel to New Orleans to learn more on Sofia’s past (see DCM characters).
When she arrived at the apartment after speaking with Sofia’s former professor, she was immediately confronted by the person responsible for the senseless act. She had no idea that this encounter would alter the course of her life. When she later awakens in the hospital with Rafael at her bedside, he is stunned to discover that his beloved goddaughter cannot remember who he is. What follows is a painful effort: Rafael does everything he can to help Hannah reclaim her memory, but after a series of attempts she explodes at him, telling him to go to hell, and he ultimately decides to step back.
Why did I choose to have Hannah suffer from memory loss? The answer came to me on a road trip I took to find someone who had made a real impact on my life. I remember that day as if it were yesterday: I took the day off work and drove out to where he was at. As the miles passed, my mind was full of questions and nervous anticipation. During the drive I kept turning the same worries over in my head: “What if he doesn’t remember me? What if he’s lost his memory? If he has, how will I even begin to approach him?”
To my surprise he did remember me. We talked and the conversation settled something in me. On the drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about the story I wanted to tell and how that emotional encounter could be translated to fiction. That’s when it became clear Hannah should lose her memory — not because memory loss is dramatic on its own, but because of the unique kind of pain it would cause Rafael. Imagining how he would react, the confusion, the ache, the effort to hold onto someone slipping away, made those chapters necessary. Writing them was often draining; I would wake, eat, and then lose myself in the work for hours, rewriting scenes again and again until the emotions felt true.
The confrontation Hannah has with Rafael before the reveal was perhaps one of the most painful scenes I ever had to write. I had to tap not only into Hannah’s raw emotions and simmering anger and those around her, but also into the deep, complicated sorrow Rafael carried beneath his calm. The night was quiet and Hannah was wound tight with frustration toward Rafael, so much so that she finally tells him off — accusing him of everything: for the hooded figure finding them, for the fire in the cabin, for the fractures that followed. She explodes at him, yells at him, and lets loose all the fear and blame she has been holding in. Rafael chooses not to argue; he leaves and heads back to the apartment in silence. After he finishes packing, he pours himself into a heartbreaking letter to Hannah. The memories he shares are the key that forces Hannah to reclaim her own lost past: he writes about the time they set off to buy a mismatched tea set, the long walks along the Seine watching the Eiffel Tower’s lights sparkle at midnight, and the ways he comforted her through those three long years of nightmares and sleepless nights.
As Hannah enters the apartment and finds the letter, all those memories Rafael had warned her about begin to rush back into her head. She recognizes the full extent of the mistake she made and understands, with a sinking dread, that in the process she has put her godfather in danger. That realization builds into resolve, driving her toward the confrontation with the person who has been making her life a living hell and save her beloved godfather.
All in all, Deadly Vows: Echoes of College Crimes is packed with mystery, suspense, and hair-raising chills at every turn. Intricate riddles and haunting dreams demand careful attention from readers as they piece together clues to uncover who is responsible for this new wave of killings. It is clear as to why DVEOCC won an International Impact Book Award!
